I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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