Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
