Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
