You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
