Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
