you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
