Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
