then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
