I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
