He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
