either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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