The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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