How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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