please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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