Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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