I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
