we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
