you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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