Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
