I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
