I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
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