but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
