She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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