Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
