his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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