The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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