His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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