He uses pillows to masturbate.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize