So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
