Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize