I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize