chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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