You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
