Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
