"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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