i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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