just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
