All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
