I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
