Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
