i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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