My Higher Power is John Stamos
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
