This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
