he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
