we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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