you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
