that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
