He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
