My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I want a musical about memes.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
