Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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