He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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