i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize