I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
