you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
