My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize