We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize