if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
