Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
