"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
