Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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