I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
