I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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