Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
