never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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