return my video game
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
