did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
