Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
