so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
