Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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