i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
