ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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