guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
