So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
