I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
