Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize
