You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
