you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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