dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
