Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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