1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
