woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
