I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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