Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
