Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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