I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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