I cannot find my penis.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i believe in u and ur pee
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