Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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