just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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