So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
