at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
