When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
